The decision to move wasn’t as complicated as I thought it would be. I made up a list of Pros and Cons -with the Pros outweighing the Cons. So I started looking up stores we frequented (most of them are out here), then started getting quotes and making up scenarios of how to get across the country. My former job as a Office Manager/ Operations Coordinator/ Shipping Guru helped me out a lot with this. Throughout the process, that began sometime in mid-October to when we actual set a plan in early January we must have run through about three dozen scenarios.
We could drive across country in a UHaul, we could ship everything including the cats, cars, and furniture, we could sell everything and just ship ourselves and the cats, we could just use professionals and be done with it…the possibilities were endless. Things of course changed as the process went on and the quotes came in. While we knew there was a strong possibility of Honey getting the position in Charlotte we did not know for sure it was happening until mid-December and then they wanted him at the job by the end of January. I was doing all the things I could do that couldn’t be undone if it didn’t happen, I felt like a dam holding back the chaos that would spill everywhere once we got the green light. I did all the little things around the house that we had been meaning to do, got the yard in excellent shape, began planning a yard sale, trying to meet up with friends as much as possible, and then making a San Diego Bucket list. By the time we announced to our friends and family that we were moving I had the items priced for the garage sale, a realtor picked out, and a general plan of how we were going to transport our life East. I should have been taking notes when Kudra talked about her move to North Carolina. It was ironic that we ended up in the same state, though hours apart.
We chose not to tell a single person before we knew it was a for sure thing, so for two months Honey I shared this secret that dominated almost every other thought that ran through our heads. He was so excited about getting to tell people that most of time he just blurt it out when we told them the news. We realized soon after that we had to talk strategy before meeting with people, because of course the immediate question after Honey said, “We have big news” was “Are you pregnant?”. I tried to at least order a drink if we were at a restaurant or have a glass in hand if we were at home when we told people. Sadly this strategy didn’t work because I was still asked if I was with child a few times. Once after drinking a mimosa, once while ordering off a Saki menu, and while drinking a double espresso. I know when married couples say they have big news, that is usually the next sentence but I really didn’t want to know what people’s reactions would be to something like that. Luckily no one did anything that couldn’t be unseen. We decided an email would be better strategy.
The other reason was because I didn’t want to hear people’s opinions on it. We once brought up moving out of state (another state) as a what if? a few years back and we got an earful about how horrible it would be. They said that we were stupid to want to go somewhere with weather, that we couldn’t handle how different it was, and that the locals would hate us there because we were from California. Frankly I didn’t want to hear it. So I felt telling people when it was an absolute instead of a possibility was the way to go. In the end I only heard a few grumbles and unsolicited opinions from two people (one of which a relative), our friends and a good portion of my family were excited for us and wished us the best. I miss our friends, but thanks to social media and Skype our friends don’t seem as far away. And there are always visits, San Diego will be a whole different town when we’re tourists.
During the move I kept on waiting from some big wave of emotion to hit me and make me feel the gravity of the situation. I didn’t really cry when I said good-bye to people, maybe because I knew it wouldn’t be the last time I saw them. My dad said I was just numb so I could keep on going, but weeks later and still no tears. I didn’t press my face to the window of the car watching as we drove away from our San Diego house for the last time as I expected to. It was the place that had made me a “grown up” and that I had poured countless hours of work into to make something beautiful and something I was proud of but I said good bye and drove away. I think it’s because I knew my real feeling of home was sitting next to me as we drove across the country and sleeping next to me every night.
Moving is a yucky business whether it be down the street, across town, across country, or across oceans. It’s more than just packing and putting stuff in a new place; it is prioritizing and organizing your current life, it’s shedding off old skins and picking at scabs of old wounds, and skimming away what is uncessary for your updated version of home. Honey and I each had our own minor moments of freak outs but luckily we took turns and never had one at the same time That was important and good planning on our subconscious parts. Because not only were we dealing with our move, we were simultaneously selling the house (which lucking was only on the market for five days). For those who have never sold a house when it’s on the market you have have it looking perfect all of the time, you have to make it look like no one lives there but cleaning fairies come by every two hours to keep the place looking nice. Trying to give this impression and pack was an interesting balancing act, but I think I nailed it. Of course I found myself pondering if things like massages and Red Bulls were acceptable Moving Expense tax deductions. But we got here in one piece and still taking to one another. We’re settled in (minus a dining room table) and Honey has already started gardening for the Spring and summer vegetables.