Choices, Choices

Hello.   I’m still getting use to my new schedule so I have about ten blog posts in the back of my mind but I don’t know when I will be able to post them.  This morning John had to go into work early so we were up at 5:30.  Well, as up one can be at 5:30.

Funny note: I had to take my pulse as soon as I woke up this morning for a resting heart rate worksheet…it took my four minutes to find the damn thing, when it usually takes me a few seconds.  I now have concrete proof that I am zombie before my morning tea.

I entered an interesting internal debate when I returned a call to my sister on Monday.  She called me to ask what school she should go to for high school, please note she asked me the same thing last last year.  My sister is still in the same school district as I was but in the eleven years that it has been since I was in high school, the options of where she can go has opened significantly.  Last year she couldn’t decide if she wanted to go to my old high school or a newer more art driven academy.  I told her to put her name on the list for the Academy so she would at least have an option.  If she didn’t get in then worst case scenario she would go to one of the best high schools in the nation and she would know if the Academy was ever really a choice. She ended up on the list for the Academy.  I believe that the students that go there were chosen through a type of “lottery” thing…cough…bull shit… Anyway, a year has gone by and though she is doing well she is not happy.  It is social issues with other girls plus a very interesting quarter system scholastically that wares on her.  So she comes to me and asks if she should go to my old school this year that has a less strenuous scheduling and her friends, or stay at the Academy.

Let me first explain, the high school I went to is a very good high school, one of the best public schools in the nation.  But here’s the thing, while there are a lot of super smart and talented people that go there-there are also a whole lotta assholes that think their parents successes translate to their own.  They believe that they require the same respect and ass kissing that their parents get.  I have no doubt that the same type of assholes also attend my sister’s current school, in fact I have proof.

I told her the things I felt: that if she changed schools she would have to start over socially again (though apparently a lot of her friends go there).  That she should not look at the school change as a magical fix to all of her problems, even if her current problems go away new ones will show up there.  That if she decides to leave the academy there is a possibility that if she hates her new high school, she can never go back to there.  And to chose what she can live with.

As I stood in the parking lot of my community college listening to my sister and trying to give advice and I noticed my conversation was leaning towards her going to my old high school.  That was a very odd turn of events.  I don’t hate my old high school, I had problems (like we all do) socially at that school and I have mixed feelings about the place.  There is an obvious big line in the sand between the students who have and those who have not.  Mommy’s hand-me-down two year old BMW to my ’85 Buick Skylark was one of the more obvious ones.  Getting lost in the mansion of one my group project members was just embarrassing.

But I remembered having that high school on your  transcript brings a certain amount of notice.  You got a 3.4 there? That’s like a 4.0 anywhere else.  I want my sister to go to college, I want her to have that experience that I unfortunately did not know at the time, was not a possibility for me (another post for another time).  She will have to get scholarships, and maybe going there will help bring those scholarships to her.  When I realized my leaning to my old high school, I made up an excuse that I had to go and hung up.  I want her to make the decision.  The thing is I have no idea what school would be better for her.  I know where my mom and dad’s votes are, which ironically are the complete opposite of the votes they had for me when I was faced with a similar option when I was young.

I did some research online of both schools- my alma mater seems about the same, my sister’s school seem to have really happy people.  But my sister is not happy.  So I called her last night and told her she had to make the decision, I was not going to tell her what she should do.  I told her to not listen to Mom or Dad, do what will make you happy, because then with what she chooses it will be her decision and she can’t blame anyone else (like I often do).  My sister and I have the same personality flaw: we are people pleasers.  We try to make everyone else happy, usually at the expense of our own happiness.  We both are in tears if anyone gets mad at us, yells, or if we just make a mistake.  This has been very interesting in the real world for me.  I would love to say this is a genetic flaw, but it is more than likely environmental.

Like I mentioned before the decision to quit my job was probably one of the first decisions I had made in a while, I mostly just reacted rather than said this is what I want.  I want my sister to start making decisions now so she will get in the habit and look at her life as hers rather than the aftermath of what others wanted for her. I hope she has the courage to choose her bliss.

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2 thoughts on “Choices, Choices

  1. Way to go Big Sis! I know how hard it is to not tell your sibling what you think their best path is. Let her know that things do get better – those social isssues (while not disappearing) are moderated after school by being able to find people that hold the same things dear as she does. It worked for me – all those things and quirks that made me an outsider are those very things that my friends love best about me. To finding one’s own bliss….(raise your pinky and make the clinky noise)

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