“You must never be afraid to go there”

My motivation to do anything today has been missing.  It is one of those hazy days again and I have done nothing with it.  I have come to the conclusion I must be cold-blooded, reptilian woman.  What would happen if I did move to Oregon or Washington?  I would become a slug!

Met with two former co-workers on Thursday and caught up a bit.  I had to leave my writing to go meet them, which sucked because I was on a bit of a roll in Chapter 3 with the skeleton rose bushes.  It was probably because I had plans at a specific time.  Maybe I should start planning to do things in the afternoon instead of getting them done in the morning, then I have a looming end time that makes me feel like I must accomplish something.  Usually I try and get things done in the morning and write, paint, and do other pet projects in the afternoon.  I am self described morning person, but who knows maybe I am wrong and I am a midday person?  I will try my new formula next week, with the exception of Tuesday.  I will be taking my lake walk with someone I haven’t seen since I was 17, but thanks to the social media and blogging world, I have a general picture of her life and she has mine.  Should be interesting, hopefully I do not bore her to death by mile 2.

Yesterday John vetoed my pasta plans (which has been moved to tonight) and we got a pizza.  An evening of odd NetFlix films ensued.  I will just tell you of the two highlights.  First we watched a really weird film called Antichrist, it’s not what you think.  Generally speaking it is a film about a married couple that go to their cabin in the woods to help get over the death of their toddler child who died in a few months earlier by falling out of a window.  This is not an Eric Clapton song.  I will not give away too much, but it is an arty film made by a man who just got out of a mental hospital for depression.  It is hard, uncomfortable, beautiful, haunting movie; it has John and I still talking about it today.  Proceed at your own risk.

After that we watched a documentary of sorts about Harlan Ellison, the writer.  I was blown away by him, he said some very interesting things about writing, writers, social politics, and of course science fiction and fanboys.  When it was filmed he was 72, he looked and acted like he was in his mid 50s.  He has all kinds of quotes posted up where he writes, I am thinking of doing the same thing.  Many of the things he said resignated with me, but here is one that I have been repeating to myself today:

“You must never be afraid to go there.”

Obviously Lars Von Trier, the director of Antichrist believes the same.  When I chewed on that piece of thought for a while I found myself adding onto what I have already written for my “book” (in my mind 😉 ).  I tend to self-edit myself a lot, and worry what others will think of the thoughts and beliefs I put into life and stories.  For the first chapter alone I have thought of cutting up a paragraph or two. I am talking about things that most people don’t know I talk about and if they do know, they quietly hum to themselves until I shut up.  It has been very freeing and terrifying to finally write these things down where the intention is for someone to read them someday.  Technically speaking it has also been hard writing it, finding a good substitute for the word vagina that is neither clinical or misogynistic sounding can be a challenge.  An online thesaurus had that their were no results found when I typed in vagina.  And no I am not writing a romance novel.  And I am not writing this for my High School English class, so really I need to just get over it. =P  Also any suggestions for a substitute word are welcome.


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